if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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