i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize