Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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