THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
