He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
