oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
