Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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