Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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