apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
