If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
