Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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