WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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