party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
