Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
