You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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