Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize