The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
