No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love having hate sex.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
