ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
