does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
