Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize