if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hippo gnu deer
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
