Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
