My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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