I just threw up on my dentist
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
