i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
