i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
