drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
