There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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