just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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