you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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