I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
