I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
