Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We need to rekindle our bromance
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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