They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
