Your mouth is God's brothel.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
