My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
