I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
