Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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