I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
