Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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