I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
