singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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