if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
