He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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