Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
