Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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