Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
