Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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