Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
