I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My penis needs a shock collar
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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