At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I want you more than these girls want KFC
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Panties = found
Randomize
