is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
