It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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