whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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