Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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