Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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