He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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