why didn't you poke me back
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
