he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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