I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
