Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
