SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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