dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
