I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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