I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
