New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize