why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
