Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
