Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
