Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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