I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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