I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
