billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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