I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
