No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
