He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
