One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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