Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
