I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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