you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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