I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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