You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
