those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
