i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
