I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
