First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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