I should be sponsored by Trojan
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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