It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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