ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
