I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
